The
practice of love is an integral activity in each one’s life yet we
make mistakes in expressing it. When two people are dating, it starts
out in hope of all ends well. But, is it attainable in real life? We
all inadvertently or advertently make many mistakes while dating,
however only few will put an effort to correct them and prevent them
in occurring again with their next relationship. If you think you are
among those few exceptional lovers, this article is for you. Here is
a list of 20 frequent mistakes that we do when we are dating.
1
Excessive Self-love
“I am a recovering narcissist. I
thought narcissism was about self-love till someone told me there is
a flip side to it. It is actually drearier than self-love; it is
unrequited self-love.” – Emily Levine.
This
is the most common mistake we all do when we are dating. Being
self-confident is good but too much of it can rub your date’s
shoulder the wrong way. You are on a date, not for a job interview;
keep it simple and take it slow. Instead of being explicit, leave
some room for your girlfriend or boyfriend to guess your character;
this will titillate your relationship.
Also,
not everyone likes to put an exhibition of personal life as their
friends list may also include friends from work and at times leaders
as well. Hence, seek consent from your partner before putting up
anything on virtual world.
2
Assuming you own the other
“If our love is only a will to
possess, it is not love.” – Thích Nhat Hanh.
The
biggest problem when dating someone is, we do not know whether our
date is highly possessive unless we complete a good amount of months
of courtship. And, the trickiest part is, there is very thin line
between possessiveness and care, making it extremely difficult to
differentiate. Do not assume that dating means from henceforth you
own the life of your significant other. Possessive behavior can
hinder growth of your intimacy so you must learn to self-control and
trust your dating partner.
3
Mr. Perfect or Miss. Perfect
“Have no fear of perfection - you'll
never reach it.” ― Salvador
Dalí.
No.
They do not exist. Holding out for that person who is perfect is
equivalent to staying single forever. Everyone has faults and
problems rather look for someone who compensates your weaknesses, who
balances your lows.
4
Having conversations of ex in detail
“The first recipe for happiness is:
avoid too lengthy meditation on the past.” – Andre Maurois.
Well,
this is not new! This is a well-known mistake across the world but
still is as prevalent as a running nose. Sharing information of
ex-lovers to some extent is necessary but an in detail report is
undoubtedly uncalled for. During the initial phase, like dating, it
is about getting to know each other and not about memorizing the
former experiences. Start anew and leave the old baggage at home
itself. If getting over is challenging then seek help from experts
and then pursue a new relationship.
5
Too much of sacrifice
“Don’t sacrifice yourself too
much, because if you sacrifice too much there’s nothing else you
can give and nobody will care for you.” – Karl Lagerfeld.
This
is observed in people with low self-esteem. They are insecure and are
feel fortunate for being accepted by someone. In order to preserve
that relationship, they give up on many things that are otherwise
very important to them. They compromise and can go to any extent to
see the other person happy even if it is harming themselves. If you
think sacrificing is the right approach for a happy and healthy
relationship then it is just your foolishness. People value those who
possess self-respect and self-esteem.
6
Neglecting warning signals
“Remember that life's big changes
rarely give advance warning.” – H. Jackson Brown, Jr.
Early
dating life throws many warning signals at us but often times we tend
to overlook them. If your date does not turn up at an event where
he/she promised to attend, it is an alarm and if he/she frequently
makes excuses to avoid meeting you, it is as well considered a
warning sign. Do not brush off these red flags as just part of any
relationship. No, they are not! Awake and recognize them early to
prevent major damages in relationship.
7
Over indulgence
“The
proximity of a desirable thing tempts one to overindulgence. On
that path lies danger.” – Frank Herbert.
Just
as quote puts it, it is danger. A little bit of understanding of
personal details is mandatory during the dating days but too much
intervening is harmful for any relationship. It will certainly
frighten your prospective partner. Be poised, calm and you will know
what you need to know straight from your dating partner’s mouth
when it is time.
8
Dying to impress
“Never try to impress a woman,
because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the
rest of your life.” – W. C. Fields.
It
is human tendency to impress others and when on date, that becomes
essential. Even if you manage a few weeks posing as someone whom you
are not, eventually you will have to come out of that mask, as faking
for a long time is impossible. In order to impress your crush, you
take many drastic steps so much so that at one point you appear as a
desperate to him/her. This very habit smashed chances of many dating
relationships from graduating to the next level.
9
Too much display of affection on social media
“Don't show off every day, or you'll
stop surprising people. There must always be some novelty left over.
The person who displays a little more of it each day keeps up
expectations, and no one ever discovers the limits of his talent.”
– Baltasar Gracian.
Social
media nowadays has intervened too much into everybody’s life.
Couples have even started flaunting their affection on online
platforms such as Twitter and Facebook. Online display of affection
is acceptable only up till a particular limit but too much sharing of
each other’s love affairs will soon develop cracks in the
relationship. Not everyone in your friends list would be interested
in your love life so when you exchange extreme love messages, it will
result in annoyed and irritated comments from them, which in turn
create differences between you both.
10
Assumptions
“Your assumptions are your windows
on the world. Scrub them off every once in a while, or the light
won't come in.” ― Isaac
Asimov.
Many
begin framing assumptions right after few days into dating. This is
so wrong! The lovers have to realize the fact that to understand a
person completely, it takes more than just days. Most of the folks,
during the initials days of dating, try to impress the others and do
not exhibit their true-selves totally, so making assumptions and
thinking that he or she is perfect for you is illogical.
Even
if your assumptions are correct, there is no guarantee that they stay
that way for longer period because people are ever-changing beings.
Hence, do not come to conclusions basing your assumptions.
11
Leaking intimate information to friends
“People love gossip. It's the
biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.” –
Ellen DeGeneres
Never
share your intimate matters with friends because as they say – “It
is really a small world”. It is highly likely that the person you
date and you share common friends and if you share with your friends,
what you did with your date, even though you warned them not to
spread it to anyone, it will pass on among your group. Eventually it
will also reach your date resulting in unpleasant encounters. Be
cautious about what you share with your friends; never let them know
what your dating partner does not want them to know.
12
Spying the partner
Do
not spy on your date. If he/she knows that they are under
surveillance, they break free from you the very next day. If you have
doubts, ask them directly. Do not participate in any activities that
might backfire at you with ten times more intensity.
13
Not being thankful
“Let us be grateful to the people
who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls
blossom.” ― Marcel
Proust.
If
you are in a great dating relationship, be grateful and show some
appreciation towards your dating partner. Being thankful to other
person incrementally advances your relationship to stronger bond.
Studies have proved that lack of thankfulness among couples have
destroyed relationships as one of them felt unimportant during the
course of dating.
14
Unable to allocate time for each other
“No matter how busy you are, you
must take time to make the other person feel important.” – Mary
Kay Ash.
If
you are really very busy then do not consider commencing a
relationship. Dating is the first step towards a long life
relationship, if you fail to invest time and life in it, there is no
assurance that you will earn a peaceful relationship. Only when you
assign time for your partner, you can understand him/her profoundly.
15
Hoping he/she will make the first move
“Doing nothing accomplishes nothing,
gains nothing, changes nothing, and wins nothing. You have to make a
move.” ― Richelle
E. Goodrich.
Waiting
will worsen the wait more. Do not dwell in an expectation thinking
that the other person will do it first. Wait only till certain limit,
after that do not hesitate to make the first move. Extending the wait
is good to none rather it begets negative thoughts in your partner
slowly drifting both apart. Nor wait too long or attempt it too early
is the one of the best dating advices.
16
Lack of Humor
“The secret to humor is
surprise.” ― Aristotle.
This
particular quality is not restricted to men alone; it is applicable
to women as well. Both men and women want their partners to possess
at least minimum range of sense of humor. Without humor, the
conversations are dry and boring. Train yourself in the field of
comedy and you will get surprised when you put into effect the
learned skills during dating.
17
Not being honest
“Dishonesty is the raw material not
of quacks only, but also in great part dupes.” – Thomas
Carlyle
Miscommunication
is the biggest villain in dating and that may be byproduct of
dishonesty, when you try to hide true inhibitions, desires and needs
from your potential partner. Do not be in a relationship just to
please someone or for the happiness of your date. Instead, the best
thing you can do to him/her is being honest about your feelings about
the relationship. There is no point in dating someone if you are
seeing someone else off the record. Be vocal of your expectations
from the person early in the relationship so as to avoid any
misunderstandings or infidelity issues later.
18
Believing one style suits to all
“I think every person has their own
identity and beauty. Everyone being different is what is really
beautiful. If we were all the same, it would be boring.” – Tila
Tequila
Some
like it slow and some like it vigorous. Implementing same style of
flirtation to everyone is fruitless. First, try to learn the person’s
character and then react with empathy. We have been smothered with
delusions that men are all same or women are all alike but it is far
from the truth. Romantic gestures liked by one may be too much for
the other so make an effort to know the person better before
targeting your bow and arrow.
19
Too much dependency on the partner
“It is not inequality which is the
real misfortune, it is dependence.” – Voltaire.
Intimacy
has to grow when in dating but sometimes, during the process one of
the couple gradually leans too much on the other. The gesture, which
appears sweet in initial days, will soon become a potential trouble.
A few symptoms of overtly dependent person are, not able to take
decision on his/her own, feeling incapable in the absence of partner
or wanting the partner to remind their efficiency all the time.
Dating is about letting both individuals contribute equal levels of
themselves but if the balance is disturbed due to too much weight
only on one side, it will definitely break off from the bonding. Do
not harm your budding relationship with your too much dependency
syndrome.
20
Discussing future
“Have patience. All things are
difficult before they become easy.” – Saadi.
Remember,
you are still dating. Bringing up topics about future and life
decisions will fear your dating partners. It is too quick to discuss
matters that are not valid until two years from now. Be in present
and have conversations on present life situations.
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